The emotions today were scared, helpless, and tearful. The seriousness of the news was becoming more of a reality. I am still saying I have an invasive carcinoma; saying cancer makes it too real or official. Even seeing the word, cancer, typed out shutters me a bit. I left the appointment yesterday with partial news. The grading and makers aren’t available. Without this information, it is hard to know the seriousness and possible protocols available. It is a combination of being a serious health condition but not knowing how serious it is.
This unknowing has made it hard to tell others. I run my own business and I need to find a way to tell clients. At this stage, I know I will need time off. I don’t know for how long. I also know, when I return to work, it won’t be at the same volume I am working now. I am a bit stressed thinking I will have to break the news to clients while also indicating, that I may not be able to help them for a long while.
The first client I told today, did not go well. I lost my emotions and cried. Oh my gosh, I am putting my issues on the client; not good. However, they were empathetic and understanding. I got myself together, realized what would and wouldn’t work in sharing the news, and moved forward with my work day.
I am struggling with how to tell people because I don’t have enough information about my prognosis. I know people want to help and support but I don’t want to feel responsible for comforting them. Regardless of whether I am sharing with family or friends or it is a business relationship, I am still sharing upsetting or even triggering information. For now, I come up with a plan to inform I will need surgery. I don’t know exactly what the surgery and recovery will look like. I state I am thankful for understanding if appointments need to shift in the future. This is my plan for a neutral approach. I can work on the details as soon as I can handle my own emotions.